


Dreaming Wide Awake

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Mutual Pining, fwb who are hopelessly in love, the author can't smut to save her life, this probably only needs a teen rating tbh everything sexy will probably fade to black
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2019-11-29 00:57:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18216029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: When Alec's family arranges for a month-long vacation he can't imagine spending that much time away from Magnus, his good friend (with benefits) (who he is definitely not falling in love with) from school.But if Izzy can invite her boyfriend she only met a month ago, surely Alec could invite his boyfriend he never got around to mentioning yet, right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ninwrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninwrites/gifts).



> I meant for this to be a oneshot but the concept got away from me a bit once I started it, so it's going to be in a few chapters instead. A fic dedicated to Nin for her birthday, fusing two tropes she enjoys: Friends with benefits who are hopelessly in love" and "fake dating".

Alec’s heart aches watching Magnus roll out of bed after catching his breath for what couldn't be more than one full minute, max, before moving straight for the nearest article of discarded clothing. He wants nothing more than to tell him to lay back down, to stay… to at the very least hang around long enough to take a shower or have a drink or  _ something _ . But that doesn’t fit their arrangement.

Whenever they have sex there's no lingering around after. 

They’re friends. Friends with, well, a few perks, but they’re not dating. This isn’t supposed to be  _ romantic _ , no matter how much Alec wants it to be. And he doesn’t want to lose the sex, or Magnus as a friend, so he keeps his mouth shut and closes his eyes instead, listening to the sounds of Magnus shuffling into his jeans. 

“Do you still want to punch your Professor in the face?” Magnus asks, and Alec huffs out a laugh, eyes still closed. 

“Maybe a little. Perhaps a round two shouldn’t be out of the question?” 

Alec opens his eyes in just enough time to catch the shirt being thrown at his face, balling it up in his hands and tossing it back at Magnus with a grin. “No, but really. I’m feeling better about it. I shouldn’t let him get under my skin like that, but…  _ god _ he’s just so fucking pretentious.” 

“You know he’s only being that way because you’re a Lightwood,” Magnus points out. “You’re held to a higher standard than the rest of us commoners.” 

Alec rolls his eyes. It’s ridiculous, he thinks, though he knows that it isn’t untrue. But at the mention of his family he remembers something else he needs to talk to Magnus about, and any amount of relief he felt a moment before is already gone. 

“Hey, before you go-” he starts, thinking ruefully that this isn’t at all the way he wants to get Magnus to stay longer. In fact, he almost doesn’t tell him so he has an excuse to meet back up with him later. “I almost forgot until you brought up my family just now. I’m being forced on a month-long Lightwood Family Vacation once exams are over.” 

Magnus pauses, turning away just enough so Alec can’t see his face. “Oh.” 

Alec can’t see him but he’s almost positive that Magnus sounds… upset? Disappointed? 

But when Magnus turns back around his usual carefree grin is back on his face. There’s something different about his expression but Alec can’t quite place it, and doesn’t have the time to analyze it. 

“A whole month, eh? Must be nice. Where are you off to?” 

“Italy, probably other places in Europe here and there but nothing solid planned beyond--” he almost said ‘beyond the villa’, which might be the most embarrassingly ‘rich-kid’ thing he ever uttered in front of Magnus. “--beyond that.” 

Magnus nods. “Well, that’ll be great for you. When, uh, do you leave?” 

“Right after exams.” 

Two weeks away. 

They see each other three times a week, at the very least. Sometimes more. Not always for sex - they are friends, after all, not just strangers who started hooking up out of the blue. Maybe not the closest friends (and certainly not as close as Alec would like) but far from strangers at this point. And certainly close enough that Alec knows he’s going to miss Magnus for more than just the stress-relieving hook-ups during his trip. A small, selfish part of him wants to hear Magnus say the same, but he knows he won’t. 

And he doesn’t. 

“Thanks for the heads-up.” Magnus grabs his bag off the floor and slings it over his shoulder. 

Alec sighs, speaking more to himself than to Magnus’ retreating form. “I wish there was some way I could sneak you along. Izzy’s boyfriend got invited and they only  _ met  _ a month ago.” 

“Too bad we’re not dating,” Magnus says over his shoulder, still not turning back to face him.  

“Yeah,” Alec replies back with a forced noise that’s close enough to a chuckle even though he can’t quite put the humor behind it. “Too bad.” 

There’s a silence between them and Magnus remains where he is, hesitating just a few seconds longer. When Alec doesn’t say anything else Magnus starts back toward the door. 

“See you in class tomorrow. Good luck with the essay revisions, don’t stay up  _ too _ late.” 

And with that he’s gone. 

Alec picks the pillow up from next to him and pulls it down over his face, groaning into it after he’s certain he hears the front door to his apartment open and close, leaving him alone again. 

\---

It’s 10:33 pm when he looks over at the clock… only 5 minutes since the  _ last _ time he looked. His essay is nowhere near completed and what he has is total trash, and all because his mind is entirely preoccupied. 

A: How much do I have to pay you to write this essay for me?   
M: Still struggling?   
A: Yeah, I can’t focus. My thoughts are all over the place tonight.  
M: What’s on your mind? 

Alec looks down at his phone, the name at the top of the screen putting a smile on his face he didn’t ask for. He sighs and puts it back down without replying.  _ Not a ‘what’,  _ he thinks sullenly.  _ A ‘who’.  _

Maybe he should tell Magnus that this isn’t just a no-strings-attached thing for him any more. That every time they hook up he feels more and more inclined to attach ALL of the strings. As many strings as he possibly can, if it means keeping Magnus to himself for something more than what they have now. 

Part of him wants to give it a shot, but a bigger part of him doesn’t want to be wrong that Magnus might be humoring the same desires. That’s the sort of misstep that would  lose what little he has now, and he can’t bring himself to chance it. That bigger part always wins. 

So he’s right back where he started. Alec doesn’t want to go away for a month without Magnus, but there’s no way he can bring him along as just a friend. 

...but what if he brought him along as more than that? 

Alec picks his phone back up before he can think this through and talk himself out of it. 

A: What if I tell my parents we’re dating.   
M: ...did I miss something?   
A: Hear me out. What if I tell them we’re dating. Then you can come on vacation with us.   
M: Did you hit your head after I left?  
A: What? We’re already hooking up. And we’re friends, we get along great. They wouldn’t suspect a thing! You get a free vacation out of it, and I don’t have to spend an entire month trapped with just my family in a foreign country. 

This is a terrible idea. Alec knows that even as he types the words, but he hits send anyway because he wants this. He has to try. 

M: I don’t know, Alec. 

Alec’s heart is beating much too fast for his liking. Is Magnus going to turn him down? Is the idea of being with him so entirely off-putting  that Magnus can’t even imagine  _ pretending _ for a few weeks? 

A: What don’t you know? Food. Wine. Sightseeing. Nothing changes between us except maybe we hold hands around my family or something, I hardly think it’ll kill us. 

He tries not to think about what that might do to him in the moment because just thinking about holding hands with Magnus while touring the Italian countryside is enough to send his heart into a flurry of activity that he resolutely ignores in favor of staring at the three blinking dots on his phone, waiting.

M: Alright. See what they say, and if I’m invited, I’m in.   
A: I’ll let you know tomorrow. Goodnight, Magnus.  
M: G’night, Alec. 

Alec sets the phone down with a feeling that’s equal parts horror and excitement. He knows that he has feelings for Magnus. He knows how much he wants a relationship with him to be real, but he knows their arrangement and he isn’t going to be the one to break it. If pretending for a little while is the closest he’s going to get to the real thing then surely he can make the most of it while it lasts and drop it when it’s done, right? 

Alec glances down and looks at the letter ‘M’ inside of a small, uneven heart that he drew absentmindedly the moment he picked his pen back up to go back to editing his paper. He stares at it for several seconds before scribbling it out in quick, frantic strokes. Maybe he’s going to need a bit of work on staying detached. 

Not that he was ever entirely detached in the first place. 

Shit. 

What did he just get himself into?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus realizes that this is probably a very terrible idea, but will he have the willpower to turn down something he wants so badly, no matter how selfish and irresponsible it is, when the moment comes to make his choice?

Magnus hangs up the call from Alec with a frown.

“What was that about?” Ragnor asks, and Magnus turns to his roommate lost in thought, biting at his lower lip without realizing he's even doing it. He just stands there by the balcony door he wandered towards during the conversation, leaning against it while he runs back over the exchange he just had with Alec. Once he’s certain he has it all processed he finally answers Ragnor.

“Alec wants me to go to Italy with him and his family for a month.” Now that he says it out loud there’s no way this sounds like a good idea. And judging by the look on Ragnor’s face his best friend agrees.

“Wow. That’s… huh.” Ragnor is at least attempting not to say something that sounds as judgmental as the look he can’t keep off of his features, but Magnus still rolls his eyes because he knows what he’s thinking, even if he doesn’t come right out and say it. And then he does just that. “I thought you two were just-”

Ragnor’s choosing his words very carefully, and Magnus doesn’t blame him. This is a conversation they had more than once since his arrangement with Alec began earlier that year... and by ‘conversation’, he’s being kind. Magnus doesn’t want this to turn into another argument so he cuts Ragnor off.

“-we _are._ Just friends.” Magnus finishes the question off in firm denial, knowing exactly where Ragnor is going with that thought.

“So you’re going on vacation with him as just friends. With his family. To Italy. For an entire month.” Ragnor emphasizes his disbelief more with each additional point.

“Not… exactly.” He isn’t going to lie about it but he knows how this is going to go over. “Only family and significant others are invited.” Magnus hesitates. “He’s going to tell his family we’re dating.”

“...but you aren’t.”

“No.” Magnus confirms, and there’s a hint of disappointment and a touch of longing behind the single syllable. “We’re just going to pretend to be. If I can even go.”

Ragnor nods once and for a moment Magnus things he might get out of this conversation in one piece... then Ragnor snorts out a laugh.

“Please tell me you know how terrible of an idea this is.”

“Of course I do.” Magnus snaps, walking over to the sofa and throwing himself down onto the worn cushions with a heavy sigh of defeat. “But I can’t let _Alec_ know that because then he’ll realize…” Magnus trails off, unable to vocalize the end of that thought without squeezing his eyes shut in frustration.

“...that you’re hopelessly in love with him?” Ragnor fills in, the slightest bit of a smirk betraying his ‘helpful’ intentions.

“Don’t be dramatic,” Magnus pouts. “That’s my job.”

Ragnor laughs again.

“It’s a _mild_ crush. _If_ _that_.” Magnus defends, as if that makes things any better. And they both know that’s a lie, or at least turning into one the longer this year goes on. “So this should be fine. It’s just pretending, and heaven knows I’ve been dong a convincing enough job at that so far.”

“Yes, but that’s pretending you _don’t_ care. The problem here is that you won’t be pretending _to care_.”

Magnus considers this for the first time with a deep frown. “Well, it’s too late either way. I said I’d go. He doesn’t want to go alone and I wasn’t really looking forward to spending a whole month stuck here without him, anyway.”

“For starters, _ouch_ , I’m right here. And apparently not good enough to spend a month of summer with.” Ragnor raises an eyebrow. “At least I know where I stand now.”

“What did I say about being dramatic?” Magnus repeats.

“And second," Ragnor continues without missing a beat. "Yes, that sounds like an entirely normal, healthy reaction to separation from ‘just a friend’ that you clearly have no deep attachment to whatsoever.”

Magnus hates how right Ragnor is but he isn’t about to admit it.

“It probably won’t matter. I’m sure they won’t want someone new coming this last-minute anyway. And you know what? I take back what I said about it being too late. I can always change my mind and say no.”

“You could,” Ragnor agrees, and for the briefest moment Magnus thinks he’s won. “But will you?”

“Of course I will. I’ll sleep on it, and if it still seems like a terrible idea in the morning, I’ll turn him down.” Magnus says it with such forced conviction that Ragnor, thankfully, drops the subject for the rest of the night. 

\---

“Guess what?!” Alec’s voice sounds from behind him before he enters Magnus’ line of sight to cross in front of him and take the seat to his right, as usual. As he passes by Alec leaves a latte on the corner of his limited desk space; it’s a ritual at this point, though Magnus isn’t sure when Alec stopped asking if Magnus wanted him to bring him a coffee and when he just started doing it.

Magnus takes the warm cup in both of his hands and allows himself a moment to bask in the smell of the caffeine that’s about to pass his lips, doing his best to take comfort in this very needed addition to the middle of his day while trying _not_ to think about the reason he can barely keep his eyes open in the first place.

After his late-night chat with Ragnor Magnus had too much on his mind to fall asleep at any reasonable hour before he had to be awake for his 8 am class. Well, if he didn’t wake up a full hour and a half early to shower and style his hair and do a full face of makeup, that is. If he rolled out of bed and came to class in sweatpants and a baseball cap to hide any noticeable bedhead then he could sleep a passable number of hours. He has his priorities, though, and nothing is going to change that any time soon.

So instead of sleeping he spent hours laying awake for half the night fretting over whether or not he should take Alec up on his offer, if it came down to it. He already said yes but that was in the moment. He could come up with some excuse to get out of it if he has to, he’s certain - a concert he forgot he has tickets to, or a summer internship he should sign up for that just happens to run the month Alec’s gone. He knows it’s the responsible thing to do. He knows he should be distancing himself from this plan as much as possible. And at some point he drifted off to sleep in the early hours of the morning convinced that he could make that call, for the best interests of both of them.

But when Alec sits down next to him, beaming like he’s the goddamn sun itself, Magnus knows that was all foolish optimism and he never stood a chance.

“There are actually 30 shots of espresso in this cup and my heart’s going to give out before I have to suffer through my foreign economics exam later?” Magnus guesses, taking a sip of his drink before shaking his head. “Nope. Alright, I’m out of guesses, what is it?”

He definitely doesn’t need the caffeine to make his heart race now - the look on Alec’s face could only be about one thing. Alec confirms his suspicion almost immediately.

“They said yes. You, Mr. Bane, are joining the Lightwoods for a month in Italy.”

The inner conflict he feels at this news must show on his face because a second later Alec’s entire expression changes.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, frowning. “I thought you’d be more excited?”  
  
Magnus shakes his head, a slow smile crossing his features. “I am. Really, that’s amazing. I think I’m just in shock because I didn’t want to get my hopes up on them saying yes.” At least that isn’t a total lie. He really didn’t expect them to say yes, but maybe his hopes were flip-flopping a bit for selfish reasons.

“Honestly? Me too. But they had the extra ticket because Izzy and Meliorn broke up, and they didn’t want it to go to waste.” There’s something strange in Alec’s tone, like he’s keeping something more about the whole situation from him, but Magnus can’t pinpoint just what about it doesn’t sit right with him. Maybe it’s the way Alec skirts around mentioning how his parents feel about that ticket going to use for Alec’s sudden, surprise boyfriend. Before he can ask Alec is already chiming in with another question.

“But you still want to go, right?” Alec asks. “Now that it’s official?I know you said yes before but I kinda sprung the idea on you out of nowhere, and it was just a hypothetical.” Alec smiles over at him before hiding his face behind his coffee cup to take a long sip. There's something close to nerves there, Magnus thinks. The smile's there but it flickers as Alec speaks. “It’s fine if you’d rather not. I’m sure you already had plans in mind for the start of your summer and I’ll have plenty to keep busy with on my own if I have to.”

Magnus can tell that Alec is going out of his way to give him an easy out and realizes he hates the idea that Alec might actually be totally indifferent to the idea of him going or not going. Like he's just something fun to have around, if he can. Magnus has to remind himself, once more, that they’re just friends. There’s not supposed to be any serious emotional attachment here, and he can’t blame Alec for keeping to his end of that bargain.  
  
Two can play at that game… even if Magnus is the only one playing the part of the carefree, detached friend. “And miss a free trip to Italy? I do believe I was promised wine.”

Alec’s easy smile is back instantly. “Great! Because I know you’ve always wanted to visit. I already did a bit of poking around, and it’s just a seven hour bus ride from Rome to Matera if I can convince my parents to let us overnight by ourselves in...”

They don’t have time to continue any vacation planning when the Professor dims the lights and pulls up a powerpoint, and Alec’s words drift into silence while he shifts to pull out his usual composition book and pen to start taking notes with.

It takes a lot for Magnus to keep his focus straight ahead. Even when he manages to keep his gaze planted firmly ahead at the front of the room, he isn’t _really_ hearing a single thing the Professor says. The decision he needs to make, one way or another before the next hour is up, takes over entirely.  He doesn’t know why… or maybe he does, and he just stubbornly refuses to admit it, even to himself. Because now that he has the idea in his head that he can do all of the things with Alec he’s wanted to do for weeks, for _months_ , now, he can’t shake it.  
  
Magnus wants it. And he knows that’s exactly why he should say no.

He nearly misses the end of class, but in what feels like the blink of an eye Alec is gently nudging his arm.

“Earth to Magnus,” he says, tilting his head just a bit.

“Sorry. Looks like I need more than a latte to keep myself focused today.”

Alec just laughs. “I’ll make it a double shot next time.” Alec shoves his notebook back into his bag, standing to leave. “So you’re definitely in for the trip, right? I can tell my parents so they can finalize the travel arrangements and switch over the names?”

He should say no. He really should.

Magnus can already hear Ragnor’s voice in his head, repeating that this is a terrible idea and he should back out now before Alec has a chance to tell his parents to expect him along.  He knows it’s selfish, and foolish, and probably a recipe for disaster to go along with this.

But he also pictures himself visiting the Italian countryside hand-in-hand with Alexander - even if it’s just for a month - and he can’t imagine anywhere else he’d rather be.

“Absolutely.”

...Ragnor is definitely going to kill him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The semester draws to a close, and Alec catches himself growing too comfortable with his emotional connection with Magnus, however one-sided it may be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short update to keep things moving! <3 And I'll be creeping on #DWAfic if you want to yell at me on Twitter specifically about this fic! <3

“So, tell me the truth,” Alec says to Izzy over lunch the next day. “What did mom and dad say about Magnus coming on vacation?”

Izzy raises an eyebrow. “What makes you think they said anything? Or that I’d know about it if they did?” 

Alec rolls his eyes. “Because you like to know  _ everything _ . Plus, I checked your recent calls while you went to the bathroom. After I texted you that he was officially going you called mom ten minutes later.” 

“How many times do I have to tell you not to touch my phone?!” Izzy demands, snatching the cell off the table in front of her as if it matters now. 

“And how many times do I have to tell you to change your password? It’s your own fault.” Izzy’s password, ever since her fascination with all things science began, has been ‘992619’, the numbers of the periodic table elements which spell out ‘F U C K’. He knows better than to search through her messages or photos, or anything horribly invasive like that. She knows it, too, which is the only reason she isn’t actually mad at him for looking up her call history. 

“They’re not thrilled about it,” she admits. “I think they’re mostly upset that you blindsided them with him. They couldn’t exactly say no after extending the offer to Meliorn first… but you know how they get about new people in our lives. This guy comes out of nowhere and suddenly you want to take him on the family vacation? It looks a little shady.” 

Alec doesn’t have the heart to tell her that’s because it  _ is _ a little shady. A part of him wants to tell Izzy the truth. He thinks she’d understand… but he doesn’t know if she’d be able to keep it to herself for the entire month. And  _ that _ Alec can’t risk. 

“I’m sure they’ll get over it the moment Magnus charms them into submission,” Alec says, unable to keep the slightly dopey smile off of his face. At least it plays into the lie he’s selling, instead of just being his own inability to play it cool. 

Izzy smiles back. “I’m glad you have someone who makes you this happy. I can’t believe you never told me you two were dating, though!” 

Alec shrugs, going over the bare-bones lie he and Magnus agreed to. No details, that way they wouldn’t trip up over something. “We just wanted to see if it would stick before telling anyone. We didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.” 

Izzy met Magnus a few times this past year when she came to visit him on campus. They didn’t go to the same school but she was only an hour away, so weekend trips were pretty common between the two of them. 

“If you like him enough to decide he’s worth subjecting to a family vacation, I’d say that’s a pretty big deal,  _ hermano _ .” Izzy points out, finishing her coffee before standing up to leave. 

Alec gets up to follow, knowing how right she is even though he’d never admit it out loud. 

 

\---

 

The next week flies by with impressive speed. Alec calls on Magnus a little more than usual, but Magnus doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, he returns the requests in kind, the pair of them leaning on one another as much needed distractions to make it through papers and exams and dealing with professors who make them want to walk away from college and never look back. 

It isn’t until the night before Alec’s final presentation that he realizes just how close to slipping he is regarding his feelings for Magnus. 

It all starts when Alec, in a moment of frustration, throws his pen across the room, followed shortly by the book he’s sourcing from, before picking up his phone and pulling Magnus’ contact info up without hesitation. Magnus answers on the second ring, clearly out of breath. 

“Hey Alec, what’s up?” Magnus asks. Alec hears the sound of music in the background, the faint thump of footsteps repeating rhythmically in the background, and guesses that Magnus is at the gym. 

“...did you answer your phone in the middle of a workout?” Alec asks, knowing that Magnus usually texts him that he’ll call later when Alec catches him mid-run. 

“Don’t worry about it, I was done anyway,” Magnus reassures him, breath coming in rough ‘huffs’ throughout the short sentence. “What’s up?” 

Alec considers calling back later anyway, but the pen mark on his white wall encourages him otherwise. “This final presentation for Starkweather. I’m just… I don’t even know anymore. I know the work is good, the research is flawless, but he hates me. What’s the point if he’s just going to pick apart every little thing until he can justify giving me the lowest grade possible out of spite?” Alec sighs. “Why bother?” 

All his other classes are normal levels of stress: did I study hard enough, did I proofread this paper well enough, how many more times can I do the readings until I can’t absorb any more information? But this one, this one feels personal. And of course it’s required, and not offered under any other Professor. He doesn’t even know why Starkweather is so hard on him over everyone else, and after a full semester of it he’s reached his tipping point. If he has to retake this class again in the fall he might actually snap. 

“Alec, we both know how hard you worked at that class. There's nothing he can do to take away from that now - just take a deep breath and use those words I know you're so skilled with.” There's a suggestive lilt to those last few words that has Alec smiling again already. “It's almost over and you gave him hell at every turn. I think he'll be as happy to get rid of you as you are off him. But you can't let him win by giving up now.” 

Alec knows Magnus is right. 

“One more. I can do this.” Alec repeats.”Thanks for the pep talk.” 

“I can come over after l hit the showers.” Magnus says, the words an assumption at the nature of the call. 

“I think I'm good. Just needed someone to talk me down.” He hardly realizes that just hearing from Magnus was all the reassurance he needed, or how strange it is for him to turn down the usual offer without a second thought. “Can I send this over later for you to proofread, though?” 

There's a pause on the other end before Magnus replies. “Sure. Yeah, of course. Guess I'll see you tomorrow then.” there's some level of confusion behind the words, and it isn't until Alec hears it that he realizes what he did. 

He didn't call Magnus for their usual distraction. He called him just  to hear his voice. 

Fuck. 

“Magnus, wait -” He tries to cover but it's too late, the line is already dead. All he can do is hope Magnus doesn't have the able revelation that he did. 

\---

Alec doesn't get a chance to see Magnus agsin until after the presentations. 

“You killed it. Told you you would.” Magnus said without missing a beat. If anything struck him as odd after last night's call he isn't showing it now. 

“Thanks. I'm just glad it's over, either way. Nothing but wine and and shopping and bike rides for the next month.” Alec looks eagerly over at Magnus at that. 

“It's going to be amazing,” Magnus agrees.”But you're going to have to personally apologize to Ragnor for it about a million times, because he's still mad at me for abandoning him for an entire month.” 

Alec groans. “He already hates me and I can't figure out why, or do anything to make him like me more. I doubt a billion apologies is going to change anything.” 

Alec can't remember doing anything to upset or offend Magnus’ roommate, but recently Alec's very existence seems to rub Ragnor the wrong way. 

“He's like that with everyone, don't take it personally.” Magnus reassures Alec - not for the first time - and Alec makes a noncommittal noise in response. It sure  _ feels  _  personal, especially when they're in a group hanging out, but he doesn't push it. 

“The plan is still to meet at the airport, right?” 

Alec nods. The plane leaves in three days so Magnus is spending some time home with friends before the trip, and meeting Alec and his family before the flight. “Yep. 9 am sharp on Tuesday.” 

They linger, a mere foot away from each other, and Alec hesitates with every intention of leaning in for a hug when Magnus takes a step away with his gaze set somewhere behind Alec. Alec turns to see Catarina waiting off to the side for Magnus who waves before turning his attention distractedly  back to Alec. “Tuesday at 9. Got it. Text me if you think of something I might need between now and then!” 

Magnus waves a goodbye that Alec half-heartedly returns, already counting down the minutes until Tuesday. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus meets Alec's family, a flight is made, and a destination reached... with a few conflicting realizations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends, long time no talk! I just wanted to take a quick second to throw a ***PRETTY HUGE ASTERISK*** out there and make sure we're all super aware that my knowledge of Italy is nonexistent. 'But Elle,' you may ask, 'why would you set a fic somewhere you know nothing about?' That's a great question. I don't have an answer. It was a whim during chapter one now here we are. I'm doing my best to google!research as I go but I promise you I will get things wrong, and this may be nothing what Italy is like no matter how many airport photos I look at. If something is just so horrifically off base it will ruin your life if I don't fix it (or I unintentionally get something important/meaningful historically or culturally wrong) let me know and I'll do my best to fix it! <3 For the most part I hope we can all just roll with the artistic license of me making this up as I go.

The weekend home before his trip with Alec is a whirlwind of events. With so little time to spend with his friends and family there he’s out from dawn until well beyond dusk, grabbing coffees or dinners or hitting up the local bars… even making time for the bowling alley with Cat, Ragor, and the rest of their friends from home who are all equal parts disappointed to wait an extra month to have him back properly and eager to hear all about his vacation with his new boyfriend when he does get back. 

For the sake of avoiding awkward (and potentially incriminating towards their story) comments on any social media posts he might make, Magnus decides it’s easiest to just tell everyone he and Alec recently started dating. Only Ragnor and Catarina know the truth. He figures he owes that much to them, as they’ve put up with much of his lamenting over dating  _ not _ being the case ever since he developed feelings for Alec. 

“You’re positive you want to do this?” Ragnor asks one last time as they have a parting drink the night before Magnus leaves. 

“Am I positive I want to spend a month in Italy with the gorgeous guy I like?” Magnus turns the question around on him, eyebrow arched. 

Ragnor rolls his eyes. “You know that isn’t the part I meant. And, for the record, I still think this is a terrible idea.” 

“Yes, I’m aware. You’ve managed to say it about a dozen times a day since it happened. And for the dozenth time in today’s batch: yes, I’m positive I want to do this. I’ll be fine.” Even as he says the words out loud he feels the swell of doubt rise up around them. 

“We’re just a skype call away if you end up being wrong,” Cat reminds him reassuringly. 

“You mean  _ when _ he ends up being-” Ragnor starts, much less reassuringly, before Magnus cuts him off. 

“Thanks. Both of you, I suppose, but mostly Cat who is my only true friend here it seems.” He sniffs dramatically in feigned affront. 

They finish their drinks and turn in early so Magnus isn’t a walking zombie while meeting Alec’s parents for the first time the following morning. As his 4 am alarm goes off he hits it without even opening his eyes, cursing the Lightwoods for having such an early flight. He has enough bags to carry without worrying about the ones under his eyes, which he does his best to mask with concealer on the cab ride to the airport. 

The only good thing about this hour is the general lack of traffic. He gets to the airport early, which means he gets there  _ extra _ early, as he already planned on making sure to beat the Lightwoods to make a good first impression. He winds up falling asleep in a chair that should, realistically, be too uncomfortable to actually nap in, only to snap awake at the sound of his name. 

“Magnus!” 

His eyes open to the sight of Alec, a coffee the size of his head held tightly in one hand while the other wheels luggage behind him in addition to a duffle over his shoulder. Next is Isabelle who - like Magnus - clearly gave herself some extra time to get ready this morning, looking a vision in strappy heels and a red dress. Bringing up the rear are who Magnus can only assume are Maryse, Robert, and Max. 

“Alec!” Magnus greets, forcing the enthusiasm through his hazy sleepiness as he stands up and takes a few steps toward Alec to meet him. Once they reach one another, though, they both freeze. They didn’t consider this part of things, which in retrospect is a terrible mistake. Do they hug? Kiss? Continue to stand there staring at one another like they never met before in their entire lives? 

Magnus knows what he’d like to do. That much is easy enough: he wants to use this as an excuse to greet Alec with the sort of soft, lingering kiss he never gets to during their hookups. And if he knew Alec would be okay with it right off the bat he’d have no trouble doing it now. The problem is that he doesn’t want to overstep - how  _ much _ of a show is he supposed to put on before Alec might grow uncomfortable with how eager Magnus is to play this role? How many not-strictly-necessary kisses would it take before Alec would realize--

“You don’t have to not kiss on our behalf,” Maryse says, coming up behind Alec (who turns rather red at the comment and suddenly grows extremely interested in his shoes). It’s difficult to read her tone - she seems like the sort of person who is curt and to-the-point more often than not, but her words feel almost dismissive. 

Of course, he could just be reading too much into it. It’s early. Everyone’s tired, and he’s a stranger among their family. Of course she’s going to sound a little distant… right? 

“Duly noted, Mrs. Lightwood,” Magnus says with a small, nervous laugh. He’s glad that any nerves will be chalked up to meeting the parents for the first time - which they are not about - and not the fact that he has no idea how to comfortably act like Alec’s boyfriend - which they are 100% about. 

“How do you look so perfect for 7 am in an airport?” Alec asks, and Magnus laughs genuinely this time, dispelling any awkwardness from a moment ago. 

“A cab ride full of concealer and eye cream,” Magnus admits. 

At that Maryse turns back to properly take in his appearance, lingering on his eyes which are done up with liner and a touch of shadow. For a moment Magnus is afraid she’s about to make some comment about boys and makeup. 

She looks him up and down, considering, and then says, “I don’t suppose you have any to spare? As the driver this morning, I didn’t get that extra hour  _ some of us did _ for makeup.” The last bit is added very pointedly in Isabelle’s direction. 

“I offered to drive-” Isabelle starts, but is quickly cut off by a chorus of frantic, “No!”s from the rest of her family, Max included, leaving her to drop her bag next to a chair and sit down with a pout. 

Magnus barely hides the look of pleasant surprise from his face, but manages to only allow Alec to catch the brief flicker of it before he turns back to Alec’s mother. 

“Of course! Let me find it…” Magnus doesn’t have to do much digging in his bag, as it was recently used and still at the top, before pulling out the product and hanging it over to Mrs. Lightwood with a smile. “Here you go, have at it.” 

“Thank you, Magnus. You’re a lifesaver. All of mine is buried in the very bottom of my luggage, it would be a disaster to try and get to it without ruining the entire suitcase.” 

“Which I  _ barely _ managed to close as it is,” Robert points out. 

Maryse rolls her eyes before wandering off towards the nearest restroom to use the mirror, and Magnus looks down to see the practically bulging bag in question. It looks one wrong move away from exploding the contents out of it cartoon-style. 

As far as first impressions go, Magnus thinks to himself that this one is probably one of his better experiences with someone’s parents. Alec sidles up to him, arms now free of luggage and coffee, to wrap one of said free arms around Magnus’ waist; Magnus tenses instinctively before allowing himself to ease into it. 

 He questions whether he’ll ever get used to such casual moments with Alec, only to find he’s more afraid that he will, and that’d be an even bigger problem when their month is up and it’s back to the way things were before. 

“She likes you already,” Alec says, grinning. 

“She loves that my makeup was at the top of my bag,” Magnus corrects, but secretly hopes Alec is right. “Your father’s been suspiciously quiet, though,” he adds, glancing in Robert’s direction. 

“...that’s probably for the best. He doesn’t have much good to say when he does speak around me these days…” Alec mutters, and Magnus feels an immediate pang of sympathy. 

Alec doesn’t talk about his family too often, and when he does it’s usually to vent. Which makes sense, given their usual turn of events from venting angry frustrations to relieving that stress via spectacular sex.  So of course Magnus knows when Alec is stressed out about his family or having a fight with his parents, but everyone has those days. He didn’t realize it was as constant of a tension as Alec hints. 

Before Magnus has a chance to say anything about it Alec’s younger brother is standing in front of him, eyeing him curiously. 

 

“You’re wearing girl makeup.” Max states simply. Magnus cringes internally but manages to keep a diplomatic smile on his face all the while. 

“Max!” Alec hisses, not quite as patient while his face betrays his instant mortification. 

“Actually, Max, it’s just makeup. It doesn’t  _ have _ to be for girls, boys can wear it, too.” He gives the correction gently, doing his best to make this a teachable moment. After all, one is never too young to learn the importance of-

“Max, why don’t you come over here? I need help with something.” Robert calls over suddenly, and though Max sees nothing suspicious about the sudden and vague request that draws his attention away from Magnus it’s  _ very _ clear to the rest of them why Robert called him away. 

“Sorry about him,” Alec says, and if Magnus isn’t mistaken he thinks he can hear a slight shake to his words. “I didn’t think he’d be this much of an ass right away.” 

“No apologies necessary, really,” Magnus reassures him. “It isn’t your fault. And a little avoidance is hardly the worst I’ve had to suffer in my life.” It’s sad, but true, that situations such as this one hardly phase him anymore. The only reason he cares at all is because he  _ really _ wants Alec’s parents to like him… and so far that judgment seems to be very up for debate. 

The time before boarding passes quickly with Alec and Izzy talking to him for most of it, as well as some generic (and slightly forced) get-to-know-you lines of questioning from Alec’s parents (mostly Maryse). 

It’s a relief when they board and he gets a row with Izzy and Alec, leaving the others behind them where he doesn’t have to talk to them for the next 8 hours. 

“Want to share?” Alec asks, holding out one of his wireless headphones for Magnus to take. Magnus doesn’t even question what music Alec is listening to - over their year and a half of friendship the pair of them often traded music and movie recs, to the point that for the most part each has a good enough idea of what the other does and doesn’t like without having to ask. There isn’t a doubt in Magnus’ mind that he’ll enjoy whatever is playing - Alec wouldn’t hand it to him otherwise. 

He wonders briefly when he started trusting Alec so implicitly.

He wonders if it wouldn’t be wiser to try and stop that instinct while he’s ahead, before he’s entrusting Alec with more than he means to. 

Taking the headphone, the sound that reaches his ears startles a laugh out of him. 

“You’re really listening to Simon’s band on your phone?” Magnus questions, giving Alec an incredulous look. 

“Oh, but not just  _ any _ of Simon’s music; what’s gracing your eardrums right now is one of six previously unheard, unreleased tracks from his upcoming project. He wants my - which by association is now  _ our _ \- quote: ‘honest, unforgiving feedback’.” 

“...we’re going to tell him we love it no matter what, aren’t we?” Magnus asks, and Alec nods emphatically. 

“Oh, absolutely.” They share a knowing grin before both fall silent, listening to over 30 minutes of what ends up being a surprisingly promising sample of new tracks. When they’re finished Magnus tries to stay awake to talk with Alec a little longer, but despite his best efforts that early morning wake-up finally gets to him and he falls asleep. 

Alec shakes him awake for lunch and they make it through part of a movie before it’s Alec’s turn to give in to sleep, eyes drooping once, and then twice, before his head drops to the side and falls onto Magnus’ shoulder. Magnus shifts slightly so that Alec’s head can rest more comfortably for both of them and catches Izzy’s gaze in the process. She smiles at him, something soft and appreciative over the sight of Alec curled up against him. He should feel reassured that she seems to approve but all he can feel is a twinge of guilt. He doesn’t deserve that look - he isn’t taking care of Alec, not the way she thinks he is. 

Not the way he wants to. 

 He isn’t tired anymore but he also isn’t up for the ‘so, you and alec…’ line of questioning he can see on the tip of Izzy’s tongue, so he closes his eyes before she can start and leans his head over to rest against Alec’s. Out of sheer force of will he manages to fall asleep on and off again the rest of the flight. 

The plane lands on time and they grab their bags out of the overhead compartments before shuffling down the aisle and out of the plane. 

“Holy shit, even the  _ airport _ is gorgeous,” Magnus says, eyeing the impressive arched ceiling of the airport which is a far cry from the ones he’s used to in New York and Jersey. The black and off-white sleek design is strikingly modern, with the second floor visible from the first through curved walkways and carved out flooring, giving the building an open feel not normally associated with the rushed, cramped image of an airport full of people and lines and chairs crammed together for efficiency, not style. 

Alec laughs. “If you’re that impressed already I won’t even have to try the rest of the trip.” 

Magnus knows Alec’s only joking, but it’s enough to make him rethink the way he’s reacting to the things around them. He wants to make a good first impression, after all, not highlight how entirely uncultured he is every time he opens his mouth. The difference between him and the Lightwoods is… well, it’s a lot. His family never hurt for money but they weren’t particularly well off, either. Magnus lived a comfortable life growing up, traveling abroad once for a school trip and once on a ‘vacation’ to Indonesia to visit family there. 

His comfort ran out his senior year in high school, unfortunately, when Magnus didn’t follow in his father’s footsteps by joining the Army like his father, and his father before him. They were a proud line of military commanders and Magnus wanted no part of it. The only reason he’s in the same college as Alec is because of his scholarship - his father made it very clear if Magnus wanted to ‘waste his studies’ focusing on human rights law then he could support himself. 

So he did. 

He imagines he will be for the rest of his life now, estranged from the only father he ever knew over something as petty as not wanting to go into what had become somewhat of a family tradition… and that’s a train of thought Magnus is quick to cut off, knowing that Alec is very likely going to enter into his own family’s firm after graduation next year. It’d make sense - the money and status right off the bat would be impossible to beat anywhere else. 

“Magnus? You alright?” Alec asks, and Magnus realizes he’s been lost in his thoughts long enough that he blindly followed Izzy to the baggage claim without even noticing he was walking. 

“Yeah, sorry. Just thinking.” Magnus says, and the answer is so pointedly vague that Alec just makes a noncommittal noise of understanding but doesn’t pry. 

“Come on everyone! The car is waiting!” Maryse calls out to get everyone’s attention, and Magnus is thankful for the immediate distraction from his drifting thoughts. It’ll be another few hours of travel to Sperlonga, where the villa they’re staying in is located. 

Magnus grabs his bag and turns to follow Maryse with Alec right beside him, heading towards a six-seater van that takes them to the house on the coast. It’s evening in Italy already so the drive isn’t much for sight-seeing. Magnus mostly regrets falling asleep on the plane for as long as he did because now he knows he’ll be awake most of the night and half-asleep tomorrow for their first proper day here. 

Then again, with the whole month in front of them, maybe he can just sleep in and not do anything tomorrow. He realizes that he hadn’t spoken with Alec much about  _ plans _ for the trip - are the Lightwoods the sort to have every moment already scheduled to a T, or could he spend every single day inside of the villa if he wanted to (not that he ever would, but hypothetically)? 

“So what’s on the agenda for tomorrow?” he asks casually. 

“Whatever you want,” Alec replies almost immediately.

“And if I want to sleep in and get breakfast at noon?” Magnus offers as a test. 

“Then mid-day mimosas it is,” Alec agrees without missing a beat. “We usually take the first few days to adjust to the time change anyway - unless you want to do something right away, which we totally can. It’s all pretty relaxed, I think my mom booked a vineyard visit one day next week, maybe? But there isn’t an itinerary or anything like that. And we don’t all have to do the same thing - if you want to skip out on something at any point just say the word. I want you to have fun this month, not just feel like you’re tagging along.” 

It’s a nice sentiment and all, but Magnus can’t imagine a scenario of this where he doesn’t feel exactly like that. It isn’t as if Alec’s family knows him at all so of course he’s mostly going to feel like an outsider... which he knew going into this, of course. In fact, Magnus is counting on it to work in his favor - the more he can remind himself of that, the less likely he is to grow too comfortable in a role that isn’t really his. 

“Of course,” he says out loud, with a forced smile Alec can’t see in the dark anyway. 

“If you think I’m going  _ anywhere _ besides the pool tomorrow, you’re sorely mistaken,” Isabelle chimes up from the seat in front of them, and they chat a bit amongst themselves the rest of the ride over places they might want to go throughout the month. There are quite a few places he rattles off, some he’s mentioned to Alexander before like Matera, and others he’s sure the Lightwoods have seen a million times over like Siena and Cinque Terre. 

Despite his previous concerns over sleep Magnus finds himself surprisingly travel-worn by the time they arrive. Even in the dark he can tell that the place is impressive; and when Alec said coastal he meant  _ coastal _ \- Magnus can hear the crashing waves close by even if he can’t see them and can only imagine the view the morning will bring. 

Magnus does his best not to gape when they step into the house itself. It has more than enough space for the six of them and the kitchen and dining area is the size of Magnus’ entire apartment back home. 

The Lightwoods are immediately at home the moment they walk in the door, with Max making a bee-line for the kitchen and Robert heading off towards what Magnus assumes is his and Maryse’s bedroom with their luggage in tow. Isabelle looks about to do the same when Maryse stops her. 

“Isabelle, Alec, the two of you should switch rooms this time,” she says, a suggestion which garners immediate disapproval from both siblings. 

“What?”    
“Why?!” 

“I know Alec doesn’t mind the smaller space for himself, but considering he has a guest this time I think it’s only fair to give the two of them the larger room. Don’t you?” Maryse points out, and though she words it like an option the tone behind her words makes it very clear that this is happening, one way or another. 

“Oh, I’m sure it’s fine, Alexander and I can make do with-” Magnus begins, not wanting to be the reason for a family spat this early in the trip, but Izzy is already relaxed beside him from her original outburst. 

“No, it’s fine! I didn’t even think about that. Alec always gives me the room with the bigger bed because he knows I’m the spoiled little sister. But you two need it  _ much _ more than I do.” Izzy adds that last part lower so Maryse doesn’t hear, coupling it with a suggestive wink as she passes by the two of them. “Enjoy!” 

Well, she might not know the true nature of their relationship but she isn’t wrong about  _ every _ aspect of it. Magnus does his best not to laugh at the look of pure mortification on Alec’s face.

“Something wrong?” Maryse asks, but the strange look on Alec’s face passes just as quickly behind a flash of a smile. 

“No, nothing- come on, Magnus, I’ll show you to our room.” Alec says quickly, turning away from his mom and starting off in the same direction Isabelle just went. 

_ Our room _ , Magnus thinks, thankful Alec can’t see the small smile that tugs involuntarily at the corners of his lips before he can hide it. 

Magnus doesn’t know why he didn’t consider it before. Of course Alec’s parents would expect them to stay in the same room - they aren’t high schoolers who need to be separated and checked in on before bed, after all. 

It’s a nice sized room, with more than enough closet and dresser space for the two of them and a television mounted to the wall in front of the king-sized bed. Alec is already looking from the bed to Magnus, biting down on his lip for a moment in thought. Instead of asking what he’s thinking Magnus simply waits for Alec to say whatever’s on his mind. 

“You can take the bed,” Alec says finally. 

Magnus furrows his brow and looks at Alec like he has seven heads. “What?” 

“I just - I was going to offer to stay in the spare room but that’s weird, if we’re dating. So I’ll just crash on the floor.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Magnus says, very aware of the effort it takes for him to keep the conflicting emotion he feels out of his tone.  “We can share the bed.” 

“Are you sure?” Alec asks, eyeing Magnus carefully. Of course Magnus isn’t sure. Magnus is the one who makes it a point to practically jump out of bed the moment they’re done having sex because the idea of lingering where he wants to stay, but knows he isn’t wanted, is too painful. For him to be the one to insist is a strange turn of events, one that clearly catches Alec off guard. 

“I’m certainly not about to let you sleep on the floor all vacation in  _ your own house _ ,” Magnus points out, rolling his eyes. “What kind of a friend do you take me for?” 

Even saying the word friend hurts, but Magnus hides it well behind a laugh. 

Alec still hesitates and Magnus does his best to keep the smile on his face despite the fact that he can actively feel his spirit being crushed with every second Alec remains silent. Is the idea of sharing a bed with him for more than just sex truly that unappealing of a concept? 

“Alright,” Alec says, dropping his bag next to the bed and sitting along the edge of the mattress. 

“Great. Now that that’s settled, I’m going to hop in the shower and get a day’s worth of travel makeup off me before I break out. Care to point me in the right direction?” Magnus asks, and doesn’t know why he’s surprised when Alec points to a door to his right. Of  _ course _ they have their own ensuite. 

He showers quickly so Alec has time to do the same before bed but by the time he’s done he finds Alec already passed out on top of the covers, still wearing the clothes they traveled in and sprawled haphazardly across three-fourths of the bed. 

Magnus considers waking him up so he can change - and also so Magnus can squeeze into his side of the bed properly - but a moment later Alec is snoring and it’s the most adorable noise Magnus has ever heard. Since they never spent the night together he’s never actually  _ seen _ Alec sleep before. 

Thankfully Alec is a pretty deep sleeper, because Magnus stands there and watches him for a bit longer than he’d be comfortable admitting, even to himself after he realizes what he’s doing. 

Instead of waking Alec up Magnus just quietly walks to the edge of the bed to slide Alec’s shoes off before moving as gently as he can onto the bed beside Alec. Alec might be spread out but there’s enough room for Magnus to comfortably fit next to him, so long as he sleeps on top of the covers too, despite the slight chill to the night air and the fact that he always runs cold. Alec would almost positively wake up if Magnus attempted to pull enough cover free to slide himself under.   
  
Magnus tries to convince himself he’d sacrifice the warmth of covers to not wake up  _ any  _ sleeping friend, though he knows for a fact he’d show zero hesitation in shoving Ragnor awake  to claim his half of the bed and the warmth of the plush comforter. But for Alexander? Laying on top of the sheets and falling asleep to the sound of Alec’s quiet snores, Magnus is surprised to find this is a compromise he’s more than willing to make. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec struggles to justify a past decision without betraying his true feelings and motivations, and a family dinner creates tension that needs to be resolved.

Alec wakes up slowly the following morning, not wanting to move from the warmth of the body he's pressed up against. He buries his nose a little further into the soft hair it's nuzzled against…

...and then freezes, remembering where he is and, more importantly, who he's with. Alec swallows thickly before opening his eyes just barely enough to confirm that he's pressed up against Magnus, on top of the sheets, with an arm draped over him. At least magnus isn't awake yet - or if he is he isn't showing any signs of it, still motionless besides a slow, rhythmic breathing. 

Alec makes very slow, deliberate movements to remove his arm first, and then inch himself back towards the other side of the bed. There’s nothing he can do to prevent the shift in the mattress however, and Magnus stirs the moment their bodies aren’t connected, mumbling something a little incoherently while reaching back, still half-asleep, to grab at the now-missing source of heat. 

To grab at Alec. 

Part of Alec wants to let him, to move closer, wrap himself back up around Magnus and pretend he never woke up and tried to move away, but a second later Magnus is rolling over with a look of disorientation, followed by surprise as he pulls his arm back quickly. 

“Hey,” Alec says, internally cursing himself for the greeting.  _ Hey _ ?  _ Really? _  “Sorry I woke you.” 

Magnus shakes his head. “It’s fine. I was only sleeping on and off anyway,” he says, but there’s something thoughtful in the statement that leaves Alec wondering how long Magnus was awake before. Was it while Alec had his arm wrapped around him? Had he done anything else throughout the night? 

“Why are we on top of the covers?” Alec asks instead, scrunching his face a bit in confusion over the realization. Alec doesn't always use the covers, he runs hot almost all of the time, but Magnus runs cold and has to be  _freezing_  on top of the comforter. 

“Because you were already snoring by the time I got out of the shower last night,” Magnus says. “It was too precious to wake up.”

 Alec feels a light flush creep across his cheeks. 

“I do not snore,” he insists, even though Magnus is far from the first person to tell him that he does and he knows it has to be true, no matter how vehemently he denies it each and every time. 

“You do. And, as previously stated, it’s  _ precious _ ,” Magnus emphasizes. Instead of reacting to that Alec decides to get up and head over to the bathroom to wash his face instead, hoping the cool water will take care of some of the redness in his cheeks in addition to waking him up a bit. 

A glance at his watch tells him it’s 11:00 am. “We didn’t quite sleep until noon, but we made a good attempt,” Alec calls out towards Magnus. 

“Well you could always come back to bed and we could give it another hour,” Magnus yells back from the other room. Alec can hear the smile in his words but he’s grateful to be in another room because he absolutely doesn’t control his facial expression at the suggestion, one that’s mostly pained over how much he wants to do just that even though he knows Magnus is only joking. 

“And miss brunch?” Alec calls back instead. 

“Mimosas it is,” Magnus agrees, and Alec allows himself to imagine he hears a bit of the disappointment he feels in Magnus’ tone, though he’s aware he’s just projecting. When Alec comes back out into the bedroom Magnus is already changed and flashing him a smile. 

Alec gets ready and fills Magnus in on anything he might need to know about his family and the area around the villa - that when it comes to Robert avoidance is the best technique, while occasionally Maryse can have her moments, and Max will grow on him fast… probably too fast, and then he won’t be able to shake him no matter how hard he wants to. 

“We’ll end up shopping with Isabelle at least four times this month,” Alec warns. “Which will be less of a punishment for you than it is for me probably,” he adds with a laugh. 

Magnus nods. “You’ll end up shopping with  _ me  _ at least four times this month,” Magnus points out. “Maybe you’ll get lucky and we can leave you behind a few trips.” 

Alec tenses, frowning at the suggestion. Not that he has anything against Magnus doing things with Isabelle, or even on his own, but it’s only the first day and the fact that Magnus is actively planning time away from him is more upsetting than he cares to admit. 

“I should be so lucky,” Alec recovers quickly, hoping Magnus doesn’t catch his hesitation. 

No one else is in the kitchen when they get downstairs to discover a spread of food left behind for them to eat. Some of the food is still fresh, other parts need to be warmed up which are most likely from his parents who always get the earliest start. While they eat, sitting across from one another at the table, Alec tries desperately not to think about how much he wishes he could have this every morning and not just for the month. 

Isabelle makes her way into the kitchen just then, already dressed in a bathing suit and coverup, bag slung over her shoulder carrying a towel, lotion, and a book to read. “You two joining me down at the beach?” She asks hopefully. 

“Would you hate me if I say I just want to stay around the house today?” Magnus asks. “I know I said I wanted to see everything right away but I’m a little wiped out from the travel, if I’m being honest. You can go do whatever without me if you want,” he adds quickly. 

Alec only shakes his head. “I’m good with staying here! I meant what I said yesterday - whatever you want to do, I’m here for it. Even if it’s just doing nothing. It isn’t a vacation if you run yourself ragged for a month.” He conveniently leaves out the bit that he really just wants to spend as much time with Magnus as possible while he has the built-in excuse to. 

Izzy laughs. “Yeah, if you wanted to exhaust yourself you could’ve just stayed back for that internship you got,” she chides him. 

Alec gives a sharp intake of breath, trying to shoot his sister a warning look that she misses entirely as she turns to rifle through the fridge for something. 

“Internship?” Magnus asks, quirking an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, that one at Morgenstern’s,” Izzy says casually. It isn’t until she turns around with the bottle of water she was looking for in hand that she notices the expressions on both of their faces - Alec’s wincing and Magnus’ shocked. 

“You got in?” Magnus asks, not without an undertone of accusation. 

Izzy has the decency to give Alec a quick, apologetic grimace before saying, “I should go before I miss the midday sun,” mouthing the word ‘sorry’ to Alec as she passes towards the door. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Magnus continues, not dropping the question, and Alec struggles to find an answer that justifies keeping it from him that isn’t the truth… because the truth is that they’d applied together and when Magnus didn’t get in he was heartbroken. Not only did Alec not want to do it without him, he certainly didn’t want to be a constant reminder of that missed opportunity, especially when Alec hadn’t even wanted it in the first place, not really. 

“Like Izzy said - I’d rather enjoy a summer off,” Alec deflects. 

“I didn’t ask why you didn’t go. I asked why you didn’t  _ tell me _ ,” Magnus points out, not having any of his attempts to side-step the question posed. 

Alec can only shrug. “It didn’t seem like a big deal if I wasn’t going to take it,”  he starts, but immediately knows that’s the wrong thing to say when Magnus’ lips press together into a thin, tense line. 

“Yeah. You're right, it isn’t a big deal. It’s your life. I guess I shouldn’t have assumed when you didn’t say anything about it.” 

Alec frowns, not sure if Magnus is more upset with the fact that Alec got in or the fact that Alec didn’t  _ tell _  him that he got in.

“Magnus, I-” 

“So how about that pool?” Magnus cuts him off, and there’s nothing more Alec can say without feeling like he’s only inviting trouble while Magnus turns and walks off without giving Alec the chance to reply either way. 

The rest of the day continues on with a clear distance between them. They talk a little but not nearly as much as they did during breakfast, and there’s a new tension in Magnus that Alec can’t figure out. 

Thankfully things ease up once Isabelle returns, though Alec wonders how much of that is an act for the sake of keeping up appearances. He gets a few minutes alone with her when Magnus goes to wash up after a day in and out of the pool. 

“Sorry about earlier,” Izzy says the moment Magnus is out of earshot. “Didn’t mean to get you in trouble with your boyfriend.” 

Alec isn’t sure he’ll ever get used to hearing that word in association with Magnus… which is probably for the best, considering it’s only going to last a month. Maybe less if he keeps screwing up his real friendship. 

“You didn’t, it’s fine,” he says, hoping she’ll drop it. 

“Why didn’t Magnus know about the internship?” Izzy prys. 

“I wasn’t going, so it didn’t seem like a big deal,” Alec says, this time making sure his tone clearly conveys the fact that he’s done discussing it. 

Izzy gets the hint and drops the subject just as Magnus comes back out to tell them that their parents said it was time for dinner. 

It isn’t often that the Lightwoods are all in one place for a family dinner, even on vacation. At home, someone is always working late, or off at school, or at a friend’s house. Alec knows because he’s the one with an excuse to not be in that house as often as he can get away with it, which is pretty often. 

Alec and Magnus are the last two at the table, not that it matters because everyone left them seats next to one another anyway. 

“So, Magnus, tell us about yourself,” Maryse starts. 

“There isn’t much to tell, really,” Magnus says, causing Izzy to laugh. 

“Really? Apparently Alec didn’t get that memo since he talks about you  _ all the time _ ,” she says, tone light and teasing. 

Alec wants to sink into the floor. He doesn’t think he talks about Magnus that much, no more than any of his other friends, but… maybe that isn’t entirely true. He certainly never expected to be in a position where he’d be called out on it in front of Magnus. 

“Is that so?” Magnus asks, eyes glistening with amusement at Izzy’s statement - if he’s weirded out by it he certainly doesn’t show it. In fact, Magnus leans playfully against Alec’s shoulder, glancing up at him with a smile. Alec’s heart skips a beat or two at the look Magnus gives him, forgetting that it’s just an act for a moment or two. “Only good things, I hope?” Magnus asks with a wink. 

“Only the best,” Alec replies, hoping this might be a sign that Magnus forgives him for everything earlier with the internship. Or maybe he’s just a much better actor than Alec gives him credit for. Either way, Alec places his hand over Magnus’ where it rests on the table and gives a little squeeze. 

Izzy beams. 

Alec pulls his hand back away to take a bite of food. It’s just a little thing, but he already misses the casual contact, much the way he had rolling away from Magnus in bed that morning. 

“Maybe to you,” Robert says to Isabelle. “But I haven’t heard a word before this trip about him.” 

Alec sighs, fighting the urge to point out that he hadn’t held a proper conversation with Robert in months when he’s making it out like Alec is intentionally just keeping this one thing from him rather than actively avoiding as much contact as possible. 

Maryse catches Robert’s judgmental tone and attempts a bit of damage control. “Yes, I’d love to learn more about the boy who caught Alec’s heart so suddenly,” she chimes in, trying to reel the conversation back. 

Alec watches Magnus consider that statement. “Well, I’m focusing my studies on human rights law,” Magnus starts. It’s as far as he gets before Robert huffs out a derisive snort of breath through his nose. Alec’s hands ball into fists at his side; would it kill Robert to just pretend to be a decent human being for one goddamn second?! 

Alec opens his mouth to say something but before he can Magnus’ hand is over his own at his side, smoothing a comforting circle onto the back of his hand and giving Alec a small, almost imperceivable shake of his head. For a second Alec’s about to ignore Magnus’ silent call to stand down and jump to his defense but Magnus continues before he can. 

“However, I come from a long line of military commanders,” Magnus adds quickly. Alec can pick out the tension behind his words but it’s barely noticeable if you don’t know what to look for. 

Robert Lightwood certainly doesn’t, and perks up at the mention. “Military, eh?”    


“Yes, sir. My father’s still active duty, grandfather and great grandfather both retired generals.” 

“I see,” Robert says, clearly impressed with the discovery. “Tell them we appreciate their services. Have you considered enlisting after graduation? I’m sure they expect you to.” 

Magnus’ hand is still over Alec’s but the circles stop, grip tightening under the table at his side. Why is Magnus doing this, when it clearly bothers him? 

“It’s an option,” he says vaguely, finally letting go of Alec’s hand to reach for his wine and proceeding to down nearly half the glass in one go. 

The conversation shifts from there, but it’s clear Robert is a little more welcoming of Magnus after that, though Magnus quickly shuts down any further talk of his family with subject changes. 

Alec doesn’t get a chance to talk to him about it until much later as they change for bed. Alec was forced to stay back and help clean up after dinner, and Magnus was already in the bathroom when he got back to their room. This time, however, Alec’s determined not to fall asleep first despite the yawns he stifles while Magnus showers. 

“Hey,” Alec says, sitting up in bed when Magnus emerges in his robe. 

“Well, that could’ve gone worse,” Magnus points out. 

“It could’ve gone a lot better, too. You don’t have to humor him.” 

“Yes, I do. I’m a guest in his house for the next month and I don’t want him to hate me.” Magnus is clearly resigned to the idea of trying to win over the Lightwoods. Alec doesn’t know why he didn’t expect this, but he’s cursing himself for the oversight now. 

“But I don’t want you to feel like you have to be someone you aren’t around him. I do that because I’m his son and I have to. You, at least, should be spared.” Alec sighs. “I should’ve known better. I thought they could be civil for one fucking month, but of course they can’t, and now you’re stuck putting up with the same bullshit--” The longer Alec talks the more angry his tone grows, voice rising to dangerous levels considering the way the old house echoes. He starts to pace, thumbnail digging into his palm instinctively. He’s so wrapped up in venting his frustration that he doesn’t notice Magnus walk over and shut the door until Magnus is walking back towards him and taking Alec’s hands in each of his own, separating his nail from the irritated skin beneath it. 

“Hey, hey. Deep breaths, it’s all good. I mean it isn’t, because your dad is clearly an asshole, but I’m fine. This is fine.” Magnus gives Alec’s hand a squeeze. Their eyes meet, and for a moment Alec holds Magnus’ gaze, searching for any sign Magnus is just saying that to make him feel better. But then Magnus’ gaze drops down, lingering over the curve of Alec’s neck, his collarbone, his… 

“Why don’t we take your mind off all of that,” Magnus suggests, his words slow and suggestive, voice lower than normal as he takes a step forward to close the gap between them. Despite the shudder the sound brings down Alec’s spine he wants to shake his head and tell Magnus that what he really wants - what would  _ really _  make him feel better just then - would be to fall asleep the same way he woke up this morning, wrapped around Magnus and taking comfort in the most mundane of bedroom interactions.

But he can’t say it because that isn’t what this is. That isn’t what they are, no matter how much Alec might wish it to be the case, and he knows that. 

So instead Alec nods, melting into Magnus’ touch as his lips (with just a hint of teeth) come to meet the side of Alec’s neck as Alec’s head drops back to expose as much surface area as possible for Magnus to work down. 

Alec allows himself to fall into bed with Magnus, taking what he can get... even when it isn’t what he needs.

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell) where I'll be checking #DWAfic while we all hang out waiting for someone to #SaveShadowhunters ! <3) 
> 
> (and find Nin, who is great and you should also totally check out [on AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninwrites/pseuds/ninwrites), on [Tumblr](http://ninwrites.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/Ninwrites)!!)


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